Subject: Re: Marriage breakdown st

From: [email-masked] (Clybro)
Date: 24 Mar 1997 04:11:14 GMT

I got married to my husband 11 years ago and he had ms
when we married.  he was in alot better shape than now.

i think that our relationship is a strong one also, but we almost
didn't make it a couple of years ago.  i had worked full-time and have
a beautiful daughter almost in her teens, and was full-time caregiver
when i'd get home from work, and had no help picking up or with
any other house work during the day, my husband's disease has
progressed to the point that he is unable to do chores, or even
dress himself.  i think something happened to me, i couldn't do it
anymore.  i lost my job, which was a blessing in disguise,
and i wanted more than anything to run away from all the responsibility at
home, so i actually left him for a couple of months,
and only came for visits, no work.  he hired personal assistants
and that has eased alot of the burden.  i come back home and
started the tedious task of redefining my role as wife/mother vs.
caregiver.  i found i could not do both.  when he'd fall i could not
pick him up,  it would reduse me to tears alot.  finally after months
i think that i have reorganized my feelings, and have come to the
conclusion, that i want to be his wife still, and am able(emotionally)
to handle dressing him, etc. on a part-time basis.  things are
finally settling down, and we love each other alot.  the pain of watching
someone you love fade away a little at a time sometimes
is too much,  then i remember it is him that is living it,  & i'm only
living around it.  but i have a life too, and since i realized that
we have been doing much better.  it took alot for me to allow
myself certain spaces.  personal assistants are a drag to have
around sometimes, and you almost have to take who you can get,
but they are allowing our marriage to survive.  

here's sort of an aside, clyde (my husband)  has had ms going on
25 years, he's almost 44,  he was a musician and can still sing.
he made a beautiful CD and it is for sale, if anyone would like one.
his e-mail is CLYBRO@aol  hope somebody got something
out of my ramblings,  i think it was healthy. thanks