Subject: Re: Spouse asking for words of wisdom.....

From: [email-masked] (Werner H. Menck)
Date: 10 Jul 1996 16:08:30 -0500

My wife and I faced this problem 15 years ago.  It took a long time to
 resolve it because I ( the one with ms) did not insist on getting help
 from outside the marriage.  Sometimes a couple or one of them wants to
 solve the many problems that are caused by the illness.  It just cannot
 be done without eventually splitting up.  Each situation is different
 so the only generality that holds true is to communicate with each other
 and with those on the outside who have a genuine desire to help and those
 are professionally trained to help.  If keeping the illness confidential
 is important, the task of communicating is more difficult, but it still
 remains essential.
  We had great difficulty doing what I just mentioned but eventually
 communication took place between us mostly because we sought and
 secured help from others.  In our case, the help came from unexpected
 sources but, because we were resolved to stay together, the many problems
 eventually were solved and today our marriage is as happy as such an
 inherently complicated relationship can be.  I lead a useful and happy
 life and I am secure in knowing that my wife feels likewise.